We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
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Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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