How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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