Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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