I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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