SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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