My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
