I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
