I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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