if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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