Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
