Ambien. No doubt about it.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
