he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
