I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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