I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
