WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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