Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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