i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
