The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
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i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
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There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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