u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
