i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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