I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
