What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
