My nipple is on Facebook.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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