I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
