dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
