I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
