OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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