I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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