Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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