I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
