I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
