I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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