he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
