I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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