yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
