Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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