Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
