I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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