PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Someone came in the potted fern
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
