Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I lost the right to judge tonight
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
