i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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