She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
