Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
