if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
