I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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