I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
