so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Randomize
