Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
