That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
