i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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