I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
