Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
