i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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