Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize