just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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