i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
