Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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