I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
