I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
