It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
