I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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