This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
