In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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