eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
