yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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