It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
