we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize