Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
