She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
