Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
