Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
