I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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