How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
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