OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
